SHYNESS (9 july 2004)
What to do when you're shy as a child?
Quite a few parents seem to think it helps just to say "Talk to people!" -- as if you can cure a blind person by just commanding them to see.
As a child, I was very shy. My mother, on the other hand, needed company almost as much as she needed food and drink. She probably failed to understand that anybody brought into contact with others would not automatically start chatting.
She had quite a large family, and on birthdays she invited as many people as our living-room could hold -- and often even more.
One of the most horrible things I remember about my youth is that on birthdays we were supposed to go round a circle of at least twenty aunts, uncles, neighbours and other acquaintances and shake hands with each of them.
To a shy person, this is about as embarrassing as making the same round stark naked would be to others.
One of the worst instances of (probably unintended) cruelty was exhibited by an aunt of mine. In front of visitors I heard her say to her (very shy) daughter: "Join the group to say something, you repulsive ghost!" and more charming utterances like that.
Is it a wonder that my cousin later took her own life?
